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LAYA! [Los Altos Young Adult E-Letter]
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Volume 2 Issue 4
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April 1997
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HAPPY SPRING VACATION!
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TABLE OF CONTENTS...
EDITOR'S
NOTE
PHUNNIE
CHICKEN
HOW
SMART ARE YOU?
LOS
ALTOS WEB SITES
SURVEYS
MYSTERY
MESSAGES
LAYA! looks best when viewed with 10 point Arial font.
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EDITOR'S NOTE
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Hello students of Los Altos!
We're looking for writers who wish to write articles for
LAYA! Articles
can be about anything (ie, they can be editorials, reviews, news,
etc.)
If you wish to take advantage of this excellent opportunity to
get your
writing published, e-mail laya@juno.com now! Also,
the calender has
been removed, as we feel that is not being used. If you
really want this
calender, e-mail laya@juno.com with your
concerns.
Until next time,
Robert Chin
Editorial Director of LAYA!
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PHUNNIE CHICKEN
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continued from last issue...
Here are some reasons why the chicken crossed the
road according to some famous sources.
57.Martin Luther King: It had a dream.
58.James Tiberius Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone
before.
59.Jacques Lacan: Because of its desire for object a.
60.Mrs. Lamb (Debra's mom): To see Gregory Peck.
61.Stan Laurel: I'm sorry, Ollie. It escaped when I opened the
run.
62.Leda: Are you sure it wasn't Zeus dressed up as a chicken?
He's
into that kind of thing, you know.
63.Gottfried Von Leibniz: In this best possible world, the road
was
made for it to cross.
64.Rush Limbaugh: Liberals, liberals, liberals, liberals,
liberals,
liberals, liberals...er what was the question again?
65.Groucho Marx: Chicken? What's all this talk about chicken?
Why, I
had an uncle who thought he was a chicken. My aunt almost
divorced him,
but we needed the eggs.
66.Karl Marx: To escape the bourgeois middle-class struggle.
67.Dr. McCoy (Bones): He's dead, Jim. I'm a Doctor, Dammit, not a
traffic cop for poultry.
68.Ol' McDonald: Here a chicken, there a chicken, everywhere a
chicken, chicken...
69.Marshall McLuhan: The chicken is the road.
70.Gregor Mendel: To get various strains of roads.
71.John Milton: To justify the ways of God to men.
72.Fox Mulder: It didn't cross on its own - it was abducted.
73.Eddie Murphy: To get to the *!@#$ other side
74.Alfred E. Neumann: What? Me worry?
75.Sir Isaac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest.
Chickens
in motion tend to cross the road.
76.Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the
(censored) reason.
77.Richard Nixon: I am not a chicken! (Did we get that on tape?)
78.Camille Paglia: It was drawn by the subconscious chthonian
power
of the feminine which men can never understand, to cross the road
and
focus itself on its task. Hens are not capable of doing
this-their minds
do
not work that way. Feminism tries vainly to pretend there
is no real
difference between them, falsely following Rousseau. But de Sade
has
proved....
79.Thomas Paine: Out of common sense.
80.Michael Palin: Nobody expects the banished inky chicken!
81.Wolfgang Pauli: There already was a chicken on the other side
of
the road.
82.Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?
83.Monty Python: Which chicken? Do you mean a South African
Chicken
or
a South African Grey Chicken? It makes a difference, you see,
because a
South African Chicken can carry a coconut on it's back while it
crosses,
but
a South African Grey Chicken is much smaller, and therefore, of
course, as
a natural consequence, cannot carry a coconut...
84.Dan Quayle: It wuz luuking for chikken vaalues.
85.Ayn Rand: It was crossing the road because of its own rational
choice to do so. There cannot be a collective unconscious;
desires
are unique to each individual.
86.Ronald Reagan: I forget.
87.Georg Friedrich Riemann: The answer appears in Dirichlet's
lectures.
88.Dana Sculley: Mulder, there could be any number of perfectly
normal reasons for this event.
89.O.J.: I drove by that chicken in my Broncho, but I didn't run
him
over. That chicken blood musta been planted by a racist cop.
90.John Sununu: The Air Force was only too happy to provide the
transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed
himself
of the opportunity.
91.Mr. Scott: 'Cos ma wee transporter beam was na functioning
properly. Ah canna work miracles, Captain!
92.William Shakespeare: I don't know why, but methinks I could
rattle
off a hundred-line soliloquy without much ado.
93.Sisyphus: Was it pushing a rock, too?
94.Socrates: To pick up some hemlock at the corner druggist.
95.Albert Speer: He was just following orders.
96.The Sphinx: You tell me.
97.High School Student: Do I have to write a paper on this?
98.Mr. T: If you saw me coming you'd cross the road too!
99.Margaret Thatcher: There was no alternative.
100.Dylan Thomas: To not go (sic) gentle into that good night.
101.Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately ... and suck all
the
marrow out of life.
102.J.R.R. Tolkien: One Road to rule them all, one Road to find
them,
one Road to bring them all, and in the darkness bind them...
103.Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly
exaggerated.
104.Darth Vader: Never underestimate the power of the dark side
of the
road.
105.George Washington: Actually it crossed the Delaware with me
back
in 1776. But most history books don't reveal that I bunked with a
birdie
during the duration.
106.Mae West: I invited it to come up and see me sometime.
107.Walt Whitman: To cluck the song of itself.
108.William Wordsworth: To have something to recollect in
tranquility.
109.X Files: Case--UNEXPLAINED!!
110.Molly Yard: It was a hen!
111.Yoda: The chicken feels The Force. The chicken crosses or
does not
cross the road, MMM? Then a Jedi chicken is he.
112.Henny Youngman: Take this chicken ... please.
113.Zeno of Elea: To prove it could never reach the other side.
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HOW SMART ARE
YOU?
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READ this sentence:
FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE-
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIF-
IC STUDY COMBINED WITH
THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS.
Now count aloud the F's in that sentence. Count them ONLY
ONCE; do not
go back and count them again.
ANSWER
There are six F's in the sentence. One of average
intelligence finds
three of them. If you spotted four, you're above
average. If you got
five, you can turn your nose at most anybody. If you caught
six,
you are a genius. There is no catch.
(PS This DOES work!!!!!)
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LOS ALTOS WEB
SITES
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Note: All sites are preceded by a 'http://'
www.best.com/~raychin
The LAYA! Web Site!
www.losaltosonline.com
The Los Altos Web
Site
www.best.com/~latalon/
The LAHS Talon Web
Site
www.egan.losaltos.k12.ca.us
The Egan Web Site
www.datatamers.com/~blach/
The Blach Web Site
www.losaltosonline.com/latc.html
The Los Altos Town
Crier
146.74.92.4/LosAltos/LAwelcome.html
Los Altos Library
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SURVEYS
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Here are the questions:
1.) Goldfish
A.) Pet
B.) Cracker
1.) Do you like:
A.) CocaCola
B.) Pepsi
2.) Do you like:
A.) Sprite
B.) 7UP
Last month's questions still remain, as we need more answers for
better results!
E-mail "dancheng@akamail.com"
with your opinions. Title the "subject" as
"surveys." It will remain anonymous. Just
include your answers. You do
not
have to answer all of them. The results will be posted in
the next issue!
You can submit a survey you want to conduct by e-mailing
"dancheng@akamail.com" Title the "subject" as "new
surveys."
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MYSTERY MESSAGES
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If you have a message you want someone to see, you can e-mail
that
message to "dancheng@akamail.com"
Title the "subject" as "Mystery
Messages" and in the next issue, we will print all the
messages we
receive.
The message CAN remain anonymous(please specify).
Please make the message appropriate with no put downs.
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LAYA's STAFF...
Compiled, edited, designed, and approved by:
Robert Chin
Editorial Director
robertchin@akamail.com
Daniel Cheng
Designer
dancheng@akamail.com
Chris Lin
Director of Submissions
cclin@worldnet.att.net
Scott Chiang
Public Relations
illuminator@juno.com
Charles Hua
Top 10 Coordinator
charleyman@geocities.com
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If you have questions, comments, or suggestions,
please e-mail "laya@juno.com"
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LAYA!
~~~~~
(c) copyright 1997 by LAYA!