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LAYA! [Los Altos Young Adult E-Letter]
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November 1996
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LAYA'S
FIRST ISSUE!!!
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TABLE OF CONTENTS...

A WORD FROM OUR CEO
THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO HMMMM...
50 WAYS TO GET RID OF A BLIND DATE
PC GAME CHEATS
WEB SITES
SURVEYS
OPINION
MYSTERY MESSAGES
LAHS CALENDAR
EGAN CALENDAR

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A WORD FROM OUR CEO
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Hello!

You have been one of the selected few to receive this newsletter!
From now on, you'll get this really cool e-letter, with dates of Egan
and LAHS events (Blach soon to be added...). We will also have articles
on topics of general interest, and articles submitted by LAYA! members!
Feel free to submit an article to LAYA!, we will take almost anything!
You can send articles to laya@juno.com . LAYA! is also an
interactive e-letter. We strongly encourage all of our subscribers to
participate in polls and respond to articles. Being an interactive
e-letter, we would like to be able to publish these responses, however,
you may request otherwise. If you have any comments or questions, you
may send them to laya@juno.com . I hope you enjoy your subscription
to LAYA!, as much as we enjoy writing it. This column will appear in all
future articles, and will include news of new features, and other
LAYA! subjects of interest to subscribers. You can subscribe a friend by
e-mailing "laya-request@lists.best.com" The details are at the
bottom. As the year progresses, we hope to expand this e-letter to include
more subjects. Enjoy!

Robert Chin
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CEO and Editor of LAYA!
robertchin@akamail.com

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THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO HMMMM...
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Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't
drink and drive?

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of
parachutes?

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is
prohibited there?

Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical
situations?

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the
mornings?

If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there
locks on the doors?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to
the pan?

If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from
a height, what would happen?

If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when
you turn on the headlights?

You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if
the
package says, "Open somewhere else"?

Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a
shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?


You know that little indestructible black box that is used on
planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?


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50 WAYS TO GET RID OF A BLIND DATE
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1. Pull out a harmonica and play blues songs when your date
begins talking about himself/herself.
2. When ordering, inquire whether the restaurant has any live
food.
3. Without asking, eat off of your date's plate. Eat more from
their plate than they do.
4. Chew with your mouth open, talk with your mouth full, and
spray crumbs. If a crumb lands anywhere near your date, pick up
the crumb, put it in your mouth and say, "I'm all about conservation."
5. Eat everything on your plate within 30 seconds of it being placed
in front of you.
6. Excuse yourself to use the restroom. Go back to the head
waiter/hostess and ask for another table in a different part of the
restaurant. Order another meal. When your date finally finds you,
ask them "What took you so long in the bathroom?"
7. Recite graphic limericks to the people at the table next to you.
8. Ask the people at neighboring tables for food from their plates.
9. Beg your date to tattoo your name on their derriere. Keep bringing
the subject up periodically throughout the meal.
10. Order a bucket of lard.
11. Ask for crayons to color the place mat. You'll need to be extra
persuasive in fancier restaurants with linen tablecloths.
12. Howl and whistle at women's legs, especially if you are female.
13. Recite your dating history. Improvise. Include pets and
relatives.
14. Upon entering the restaurant, ask for a seat away from the
windows,with a good view of all exits, and where your back will
be facing a wall. Act nervous.
15. Lick your plate. Offer to lick your date's.
16. Hum. Loudly. In monotone.
17. Stare at your date's neck and grind your teeth audibly.
18. Twitch spastically. If asked about it, pretend you don't
know what they are talking about.
19. Drool.
20. Stand up every five minutes, circle your table with your
arms outstretched, and make airplane sounds.
21. Sacrifice french fries to a Pagan god.
22. Discretely fill your pockets with sugar packets, napkins,
salt shakers, silverware, floral arrangements, etc...
23. Hold a debate. Take both sides.
24. Undress your date verbally.
25. Attempt to auction your date off to people nearby.
26. After getting your food slide under the table. Take your
plate with you.
27. Order a baked potato. When the waiter brings your food, hide
the potato, wait a few minutes, and ask the waiter for the
potato you "never got". When the waiter returns with another
potato, have the first one back on your plate.
28. Order beef tongue. Make lewd comparisons or comments about
it.
29. Get your date drunk. Talk about their philosophy and tape
the conversation. Later use good judgment in editing to twist
their words around.
30. Discuss boils and lesions, as if from personal experience.
31. Occasionally speak in Pig Latin throughout the meal.
32. Take a break, and go into the restroom. When you return to
the table, throw a spare pair of underwear on the back of one of
the chairs. Tell your date, "They need to air out."
33. Order for your date. Order more food then he/she can
possible eat. Tell them they "must eat it all or suffer the
consequences."
34. If they are paying, order the most expensive thing on the
menu. Take one bite, pretend like the food is disgusting and say,
"Man, did you get ripped off!"
35. Bring twenty candles with you to the restaurant. During the
meal get up and arrange them around the table in a circle.
Chant.
36. Save the bones from your meal, and explain that you're
taking them home to your invalid, senile old mother, because it's a
lot cheaper than actually feeding her.
37. Ask your date how much money they have with them.
38. Refuse to speak to your date. Request that they mime the
conversation instead.
39. During dinner guard your plate with your fork and steak
knife. Give the impression that you'll stab anyone, including the
waiter, reaching for it.
40. Collect all of the salt shakers from tables surrounding
yours. Use them to build a tower on your table.
41. Wipe your nose on your date's sleeve. Twice.
42. Make funny faces at other patrons, then sneer at their
reactions.
43. Repeat every third third word you say say.
44. Proudly explain to your date that you were voted "Most
Festerous" in your high school yearbook. Give examples of
why it was appropriate.
45. Read a newspaper, book or listen to a book on tape during
the meal.
46. Order your food by colors and textures. Sculpt.
47. Insist that the waiter cut your food into little pieces.
48. Insist that the waiter take one bite from everything served to
you.
Explain that you need to make sure no one has poisoned your food.
49. Accuse your date of espionage. Pretend you have a secret
microphone
hidden on your body and you are talking to the CIA.
50. Don't use any verbs during the entire meal.

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PC GAME CHEATS
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DOOM, DOOM II, ULTIMATE DOOM --

IDBEHOLDS Strength (Berserk)
IDBEHOLDV Invulnerability
IDBEHOLDI Partial invisibility
IDBEHOLDA Full automap (computer map)
IDBEHOLDR Antiradiation suit
IDBEHOLDL Light-amplification visors
IDCHOPPERS Chain saw
IDCLEVXX Warp to new level (XX =
episode/level)
IDCLIP No clipping; walk through walls
(this code
works
only in Doom II)
IDDQD Invincibility
IDDT Toggles automap between
normal,
full, and full with
objects.
Enter
code when in Automap mode
IDKFA Full ammo, 200% armor, all
keys,
and all weapons
IDMUSXX Changes music to that of a specific
mission (XX =
Episode/level)

This code works only in Doom II
IDMYPOS Displays current location (bearing
and
coordinates in a
hex format
IDSPISPOPD No clipping; walk through walls
(this code
works
only in Doom)

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WEB SITES
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All these web sites have a "http://" before them.

Gamepro www.gamepro.com Video
Games
98.5 KOME www.kome.com Music
Microsoft www.Microsoft.com
Info/Microsoft
Yahoo www.yahoo.com
Search Engine
Nintendo www.nintendo.com
Nintendo
stuff!
Happy Puppy www.happypuppy.com Loads of
shareware games
ID Software www.idsoftware.com ID
Software's site

STRANGE WEBSITES:

Like to burst bubble wrap packing material? Well you can do it all
day
at
www.mackerel.com/bubble.html

Think Clinton, Gingrich, and Dole's speeches are pretty boring? Well
you
can see a randomly generated simulation of a speech using their
favorite
words.
www.webcorp.com/polibbabble.htm

If you have lost a computer recently and want to find it, surprisingly
you could get it back by going to
www.nacomex.com/stolen/stolen.html

If you are the kind that likes to find out things go to
www.retireweb.com/death.html to find out when you will die
(approximately) don't take it too seriously.

Flatulence through the ages. Don't ask me what or why!
www.specsci.com/club_methane/history.html

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SURVEYS
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1.) What computer do you like best--MAC or PC?

2.) What shoe brand do you think is the best?

3.) What video game system do you think is the best--
Nintendo 64, Sega Saturn, or Sony Playstation?

4.) What is your favorite computer game?

5.) Who do you think should be or should have been president--
Clinton, Dole, or Perot?

E-mail "laya@juno.com" with your opinions. Title the "subject" as
"surveys."
It will remain anonymous. Just include your answers. You do not have
to answer all of them. The results will be posted in the next issue!

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OPINION
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TOP NINTENDO GAMES--
Super Nintendo Games--TOP 10
Super Mario RPG
Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy's Kong Quest
Chrono Trigger
Super Mario Kart
Final Fantasy III
Tetris Attack
Super Mario World 2
Killer Instinct
Mortal Kombat 3
The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past

Nintendo 64--TOP 5
Super Mario 64
Star Wars: Shadows of the Empire
Wave Race 64
Turok: Dinosaur Hunter
Mortal Kombat Trilogy

TOP 10 COMPUTER GAMES--
Death Rally
Amok
Bug
Quake
Monster Truck Madness
Madden '97
Road Rash
G-Nome
Nitemare
Necrodome

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MYSTERY MESSAGES
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If you have a message you want someone to see, you can e-mail that
message to "laya@juno.com" Title the "subject" as "Mystery Messages"
and
in the next issue, we will print all the messages we recieve. The
message CAN remain anonymous(please specify).

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LOS ALTOS HIGH SCHOOL CALENDAR
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NOVEMBER
11 Veterans' Day -- No School
12-26 Food Drive
14 Parent/Teacher Conferences
28-29 Thanksgiving Holiday -- No School

DECEMBER
2 Teacher In-Service -- No School
20 Holiday Faire at lunch
23-Jan 3 Holiday Recess

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EGAN INTERMEDIATE SCHOOL CALENDAR
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NOVEMBER
1 First Quarter Ends
2 Net Day -- Wire Egan
11 Veteran's Day Holiday
13 Report Cards mailed home
22 Staff Development Day -- no school
for
students
28-29 Thanksgiving Holiday

DECEMBER
6 Holiday Faire -- Minimum Day
students
dismissed at 12:35
12 Music Concert -- 7:30 p.m.
12 Blue Cards (progress reports) mailed

============================================================

LAYA's STAFF...
Compiled, edited, designed, and approved by:

Robert M. Chin
CEO, Webmaster
robertchin@akamail.com

Daniel W. Cheng
COO, Design Manager
dancheng@juno.com

Chris C. Lin
Managing Editor, Articles Director
chrislin@juno.com
chrislin@svpal.org

Scott Chiang
Public Relations
illuminator@juno.com

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If you have questions, comments, or suggestions,
please e-mail "laya@juno.com"
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