<<>>><<<>>><<<>>><<<>>><<<>>><<<>>><<<>>><<<>>><<<>>><<<>>><<<>>><<<>> L A Y A ! [ e L e t t e r f o r A m e r i c a n Y o u n g A d u l t s ] h t t p : / / w w w . l a y a . c o m <<>>><<<>>><<<>>><<<>>><<<>>><<<>>><<<>>><<<>>><<<>>><<<>>><<<>>><<<>> VOLUME III ISSUE 9 SEPTEMBER 1998 T A B L E O F C O N T E N T S . . . ---------------------------------------------------------------------- - A NOTE FROM THE STAFF - AT A LOSS FOR WORDS - TIPS FOR LIFE (JOKE) - AMERICAN FRENZY - REFLECTIONS || SNOITCELFER - DIVORCED AND WISHING (JOKE) - AND FOR NEXT ISSUE L A Y A ! looks best when viewed with 10 point Arial font. <>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<> A N O T E F R O M T H E S T A F F <>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<> School? Yes, most if not all of us are back into school by now. And that means you need to buy books. Lots of them. So why not buy books off the internet from amazon.com? Cheap, fast and easy. Anyway, the link to that is: (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/redirect-home/laya) We have also setup a book review area on our internet site at (http://www.laya.com/amazonbooks.shtml) If you would like review a book, go ahead and e-mail serena@laya.com for details. And about the response forum: we forgot to include details on how to use it! To respond to any one of the articles, simply click on the link directly following the article. It will take you to the response forum on our web site, and you will be able to respond online there. Try the system out...we think you'll love it! Please enjoy this issue Any suggestions would be welcome at info@laya.com Enjoy! Too short? Too long? Just right? Tell us your suggestions, comments, and criticism. =================================================== AMAZON.COM There's no easier, faster way to buy the books you love! Have them delivered with convenience right to your front door -- guaranteed lowest prices! Click below to visit amazon.com: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/redirect-home/laya =================================================== <>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<> A T A L O S S F O R W O R D S <>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<> Recently, the focus of my life has been an HIV/AIDS peer education program, which I'm extremely involved in. After fifty hours of extensive training, approximately thirty high school students will be prepared to explain sexually transmitted diseases, the death sentence of HIV, protection, and prevention to numerous bored junior and senior high school classes. As part of the course of an HIV infection, a patient's thoughts and emotions often fluctuate, hitting varying degrees of highs and lows. They will eventually find themselves at the mercy of the various others who will be controlling their lives. Carpe diem-making the most out of a situation-and the will to live factor strongly into their daily lives. Through numerous HIV simulations, I feel that I have experienced something distantly similar to this. One of the most emotional training session took place at ARIS, otherwise known as AIDS Research Information Services. The first activity lasted approximately forty-five minutes, but left many students in tears. An ARIS counselor opened our minds, making us emotionally vulnerable. Lying on our backs in a dark room, we closed our eyes and listened to his words pouring over us. Diagnosed with HIV…the shock…breaking the news to your family…treatments…the disease progressing…your life being taken over as you get weaker…sacrificing everything from your previous lifestyle…people, objects, and activities…saying goodbye to your friends and family…calling their names one by one…and watching them try to restrain their tears, afraid to show their grief in your presence. Finally, death and the accompanying funeral. Observing your casket, the people there…and the people who didn't bother to come. It may have only been a mental visualization held in a musty office building, but sometimes the simplest combinations of words said in the most mystical moments can overwhelm you. Each exercise, each word spoken that day, was worth more than many of my prized possessions. The last speaker for the day, a young man infected with HIV, courageously spoke of his experience. Needless to say, I will never ever brush aside his words, his wisdom acquired the hard way. Just witnessing his attitude towards life, his optimistic grin, and realizing he had already received a death sentence-the emotions are beyond my capabilities to express verbally. It was as if his words were a thin, thin rope, my only connection between giving in to total reign of HIV and AIDS or joining him in his realm of hope. "It's unfortunate, and very sad," replied a friend when I asked him how he regarded people with HIV. "It's hard for me to imagine what they feel like knowing that they are going to die soon. Yesterday, Jay Leno had Magic Johnson on his show and Leno asked how his children were. Then, I just thought whether or not they know their father will die soon…" And for parents, knowing that their children will die before themselves must completely tear their hearts apart. I know this sounds trite, but words are not capable of expressing my thoughts on these issues. My father once complained that too much money is spent on AIDS research. And at a given point in time, I might have agreed. But now-after serving on my high school's AIDS Awareness Week committee, after volunteering to chair AIDS Week this year, after committing to educate my peers, and after training, I can truly say and justify that not enough is being done. Money cannot purchase memories of past lives. There is no price on Freedom, no price on not having to prepare for death's clammy grasp at every sneeze and cough. Even if I forget what Hepatitis B does to a human body or that 1 in 4 teens will be infected by an STD, I will always remember the finality of HIV. After all, death is forever. ------------------------------------------ To respond to this article, either click on the link below, or copy and paste it into your web browser: http://www.laya.com/rsp.cgi?id=ser01&sec=fre01 By: Serena Chang Editor/Lead Writer serena@laya.com <>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<> T I P S F O R L I F E <>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<> OLD telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and address of people you don't know. WHEN reading a book, try tearing out the pages as you read them. This saves the expense of buying a bookmark, and the pages can later be used for shopping lists. A TEASPOON placed in a glass on the back seat of your car makes a handy audible gauge for road bump severity. BUS DRIVERS--Pretend you're an airline pilot by wedging your accelerator pedal down with a heavy book, securing the steering wheel with some old rope, and then strolling back along the bus while chatting casually to the passengers. FOOL other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and jumping the curb. DRILL a one-inch diameter hole in your refrigerator door. This will allow you to check that the light goes off when the door is closed. SAVE gas by pushing your car to your destination. Invariably, passers-by will think you've broken down and help. WIVES of bomb disposal experts--Keep hubby on his toes by packing his lunchbox with plasticine and an old alarm clock. SAVE electricity by turning off all the lights in your house and walking around wearing a miner's hat. HOUSEWIVES--I find the best way to get two bottles of dishwashing liquid for the price of one is by putting one in your shopping trolley and the other in your coat pocket. LOSE weight quickly by eating raw pork or rancid tuna. I found that the subsequent food poisoning/diarrhea enabled me to lose 12 pounds in only 2 days. WHEN throwing someone a sharp instrument such as a Stanley knife or bread knife, always throw it blade first as they invariably tend to turn while in the air. AVOID being wheel clamped by jacking your car up, removing the wheels, and locking them safely in the trunk until you return. SMELL gas? Locate the suspected leak by striking an ordinary match in every room in the house until a loud explosion reveals the source of the escaping gas. AVOID parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned to 'fast wipe' whenever you leave your car parked illegally. TAXI drivers--Why not pop into the garage and ask them to fix your turn signals for you so that other motorists know where the heck you're going? OLD contact lenses make ideal 'portholes' for small model boats. INCREASE the life of your carpets by rolling them up and storing them in the garage. TAKE your trashcan to the supermarket with you so that you can see which items you have recently run out of. MAKE shopkeepers feel like criminals and con men by carefully checking their change and holding bank notes up to the light before accepting them. SAVE on charity donations by spending a dollar on clothes at a charity shop, and then selling them for 50 cents to another charity shop. This way you can give twice as much at half the cost. I think. NO TIME for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off. EXPENSIVE hair gels are a con. Marmalade is a much cheaper alternative, but beware of bees in the summer. APPLY red nail polish to your nails before clipping them. The red nails will be much easier to spot on your bathroom carpet (unless you have a red carpet, in which case a contrasting polish should be selected). PUTTING just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl makes the fishes' eyes bulge and causes them to swim in an amusing manner. IF A SMALL CHILD is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down its throat and hey presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF while clumsily slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away. KEEP the seat next to you on the train vacant by smiling and nodding at people as they walk up the aisle. MAKE bath times as much fun for kiddies as a visit to the seaside by pouring a bucket of sand, a bag of salt, and some seaweed into the bath. INCREASE blind people's electricity bills by switching all their lights on when their guide dog isn't looking. INTERNATIONAL MASTER CRIMINALS--Tell your guards to shoot James Bond in the head at the first opportunity. Under no circumstances give him a guided tour of your base or leave him in the custody of attractive women in bikinis. PEOPLE whose surname is Toblerone should always take along an empty 'Toblerone' chocolate box when attending interviews for office jobs. This would save your potential employer the expense of having to make a name plaque for your desk, and therefore increase your chances of getting the job. <>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<> A M E R I C A N F R E N Z Y <>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<> There have been two events lately that have sent America into a journalistic frenzy. Number one: the trials and tribulations of our esteemed Chief Executive. Number two: the ecstasy and exultation of the home run derby. Trust someone to bring them together. Senator Edward Kennedy of Massachusetts called Clinton and Gore the "home-run kings for working families," in an attempt to compare Clinton and Gore to McGwire and Sosa. (Pause as I go into an extended fit of choking.) I suppose he may be excused by pleading temporary insanity. After all, he called the Cardinals slugger "Mike McGwire" and mispronounced "Sosa." Although the senator's comparison was wildly off mark, it did get me to thinking just how wide a chasm lies between these two American new stories. The whole Clinton fiasco has been downright depressing. The leader of our nation, who represents, nay, who supposedly _exemplifies_ true American character has shown a shocking lack of it-not only has he been disloyal, but he has also lied to the entire country. Even worse, the majority of the rest of America has snapped up all the wanton details of the scandal with gusto. Cheap, trashy novels are that much better when you know the people in them, right? I want very much to believe that Clinton does not represent the rest of America's morality. And yet, I am bombarded with polls reporting that yes, Americans believe Clinton's morals are the same as the rest of the American people's, and that people are most interested in the x-rated part of the story. Immorality must be as American as apple pie. On the other hand, the McGwire-Sosa scoop has infused the nation with renewed passion for the good old, pastime of baseball. These two baseball players have been honored not only for their penchant to hit the ball into the stands, but also for their character, their class. The first thing McGwire did to celebrate his record-breaking hit was hug his son. He did the same to the Maris family, and saluted St. Louis and Sosa. Sure, the race is on, but McGwire and Sosa admire and like one another. As for the fans of America, they have also exhibited decency in mostly returning the record-breaking balls to their hitters. In light of the Clinton scandal, I can understand those signs "McGwire for President." It's great that the traditional American game has brought back American values. While the home run hitters look for number sixty-six, Clinton is seeking spiritual guidance and enlightenment. I hope somehow, our President can live up to Senator Kenndy's comparison. ------------------------------------------ To respond to this article, either click on the link below, or copy and paste it into your web browser: http://www.laya.com/rsp.cgi?id=kris01&sec=xevf01 By: Anonymous <>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<> R E F L E C T I O N S || S N I O T C E L F E R <>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<> The real reason the US shot missiles at Sudan? Web site developers better watch out! Don't let the CIA catch you with a mistake! According to Tuesday, September 1st's Issue of the LA Times, officials "said they did not believe that the plant actually produced such medicines, because they saw no evidence of such an output when they accessed a web site for it." Don't let them catch you using frames or blinking text -- you might be the CIA's next target! I'm telling you, the internet is a dangerous place... Hmm. I wonder if we can submit web site candidates to the CIA? Microsoft supposedly "lost" their code that they were supposed to turn over to Caldera for the Department of Justice case the week before they were supposed to hand it over. Go figure. And here are the directions to destroying your computer the next time you get mad at it. So get out your power drill, hammer, and hard drive...and Abort, Retry, or Fail _this_! http://members.aol.com/spoons1000/break/index.html (please exercise caution when visiting this site...it has pictures of computers being abused) And remember, sacred cows make great hamburgers. ------------------------------------------ To respond to this article, either click on the link below, or copy and paste it into your web browser: http://www.laya.com/rsp.cgi?id=rfl01&sec=esy01 By: Robert Chin robert@laya.com <>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<> D I V O R C E D A N D W I S H I N G <>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<> EA recently divorced woman is walking along the beach contemplating how badly treated she got over the divorce settlement, when she spies a magic lamp washing up onshore. She rubs the lamp, and out pops a magical genie!! The genie notices her anger and lets her vent her troubles to him. As a consolation, the genie informs her that he will give her three wishes. But, he cautions her that because he does not believe in divorce, he will give her ex-husband ten times the amount of whatever she wishes. The woman is steaming mad, thinking that this is hardly fair, but she makes her first wish. The first wish was for a billion dollars. The genie grants her wish and she finds herself sitting in pile of one billion one-dollar bills. The genie then reminds her that her husband is now the recipient of 10 billion dollars. The woman can barely contain her anger when she makes her second wish. The second wish was for a beautiful mansion on the shore of her own private beach. In an instant it was granted, but the genie then reminds again that her ex-husband now owns ten of what she wished for, and points out at the beach to a small development of ten such mansions. Upon hearing this, the woman takes her time to contemplate her last wish. Just as the genie was about to give up on her, the woman informs the genie that she wants to make the last wish. But, before she can do this, the genie again warns her that her ex-husband will get ten times what she wishes for. "No problem," said the woman as she grinned in ecstasy. "For my last wish ...I'd like to give birth to twins." ====================================================================== ====================================================================== L A Y A ' s S T A F F . . . Robert Chin President robert@laya.com Daniel Cheng Layout & Design daniel@laya.com Chris Lin Perspective Editor chris@laya.com Serena Chang Editor/Lead Writer serena@laya.com ********************************************************************** If you have questions, comments, or suggestions, please e-mail "info@laya.com" ********************************************************************** SUBMIT AN ARTICLE! E-mail "submissions@laya.com" with your article. 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