<<>>><<<>>><<<>>><<<>>><<<>>><<<>>><<<>>><<<>>><<<>>><<<>>><<<>>><<<>>              L   A   Y   A   ! [ e L e t t e r  f o r  A m e r i c a n  Y o u n g  A d u l t s ]         h t t p : / / w w w . l a y a . c o m <<>>><<<>>><<<>>><<<>>><<<>>><<<>>><<<>>><<<>>><<<>>><<<>>><<<>>><<<>> VOLUME III    ISSUE 7    JULY 1998 T A B L E  O F  C O N T E N T S . . . ---------------------------------------------------------------------- - A NOTE FROM THE EDITOR - MULAN: TRIUMPH FOR FEMINISTS, INSULT TO ASIANS - REFLECTIONS || SNOITCELFER - FIVE SURGEONS DURING A COFFEE BREAK - BART SIMPSON'S CHALKBOARD PUNISHMENTS L A Y A ! looks best when viewed with 10 point Arial font. <>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>     A  N O T E  F R O M  T H E  E D I T O R <>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<> July first has come and gone, marking the start of the Jared-Brady Teen Driving Act (or whatever it's called), more simply known as the "I won't be able to drive my friends?!" law. So maybe the concept of this set of rules isn't too bad. Just as long as I'm not affected by it ^_^ But has anyone ever thought how insane it is in the first place to allow people on the road with a simple, stupid written test of 46 multiple choice questions? It's probalby illegal to disclose those questions and answers here, so I'll just say that it's not worth the required hours of "Driver's Education" class and the time to go down to DMV and wait in that snake-like line that's worse than waiting for those "Titanic" movie tickets when that movie first came out. Anyways, I believe that i wasted a good thirty hours of my summer vacation, listening to some guy preach about safe driving (and guess how many tickets has HE gotten? More than your fingers and toes combined, believe me) and watching videos like "Red Asphalt III" (an approximately 20 minute long tape consisting of police clips, like some officers picking accident victims' brains off the street). Just something to look forward to, for you poor souls who still haven't taken that known as the "permit test." Good luck! By: Serena Chang    serena@laya.com <>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>   M U L A N : T RI U M P H F O R F E M I N I S T S ,            I N S U L T T O A S I A N S <>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<> Friday, June 19 marked the debut of Disney's latest animated feature: "Mulan." Based on an ancient Chinese poem, Mulan decides to sacrifice her more-than-comfortable lifestyle in order to take her ailing father's place in the national army. Consequently, she brings great honor to herself and her family and finds her true love. Varying from the typical Disney cartoon, in which girl-meets-boy (or boy-meets-girl), falls in love, and endures great climatic troubles in order to live happily ever after, Mulan's story is somewhat reversed. She first seeks adventure as the result of dishonoring her family by failing the "husband test." And after enduring her service in the army, she then discovers her husband, and then lives in harmony for the rest of time. Unlike Pocahontas, she doesn't rely on a talking tree to do this. True, the usual talking animals, this time a cricket and a dragon, are present. But Mulan acts independently, relying on no man or advisor but herself in order to succeed. And this is how Woman should be portrayed. This is no Esmerelda ("The Hunchback of Notre Dame") being lusted after by her captor--as a matter of fact, Mulan even chops off her long hair with a sword in order to pass as a man (the only flaw in the movie…encouraging girls to look like men). Despite that ever so subtle implication, Disney's latest female creation is a hit role model, showing young females that men do not always dominate women's lives (stupid "Hercules"). On the other hand, many Asians, especially Chinese, are offended by this latest triumph. As when dealing with any cultural histories, there are bound to be errors. Mulan's story does not strictly follow the traditional poem, raising some protests. Also, much of the "Chinese" animation is Japanese, further picking at a not so friendly cultural conflict. Many are insulted by the character's personalities and portrayals, especially Eddie Murphy's cool-talking Mushu the Dragon (not to be racist, but what's an African-American actor doing in an Asian story?!). Lastly, McDonald's "Mulan" promotion has angered even more. Their TV commercials include one with an African-American and a Caucasian boy, both promoting "Mulan" "tender and crispy" Chicken McNuggets. They come in something resembling a Chinese take out box, and include "extra special Szechwan sauce for a taste of the East." In the background is a huge gong with the image of a supposedly Chinese dragon (it looks more like something out of "Mortal Combat") that "gong boy" (the Caucasian guy) whacks throughout the ad. And surprise, surprise. Along with this promotion is the "Imperial Meal"-a twenty piece Nugget meal with two large fries and two medium drinks (sorry if I'm wrong about those sizes, but I'm no avid fast food eater). Imperial? Sorry, but that word used to be reserved for exalted emperors and other such royalty. Yes, Mulan. Your advocating of the non-traditional female role deserves acclaim. But as for accurate depiction of Asian cultures? Even Confucius would say, "You need go study, Grasshopper." By: Serena Chang    Serena@laya.com <>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>   R E F L E C T I O N S || S N I O T C E L F E R <>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<> This issue: Does anyone really know what they're doing? Clinton traveled to China the other day. Those are MY tax dollars he's flying on, I believe. Not only this, but he brought along his entire family and cabinet with him. In doing that, he's also bringing a large portion of the Secret Service. "All in favor of making Clinton's family stay home and thus allowing the US to save $500,000, please raise your hand now." I can't believe he forgot me! Shouldn't those who pay be entitled to come too? Those ARE my tax dollars. Clinton also had lunch with the guy in charge of China--Jiang Je Ming, who proposed a trade during the meal. Since China has too many engineers, and America has too many lawyers, we should swap. I'm all for it, except for the fact that I'd have to pay for that, too. <And also...> Kaiser Permanente refuses to cover the costs of Viagra, the new pill that cures impotence. They complained that it would be too expensive and would cost them over $100 million a year, even if they limited patients to ten pills per month. Unfortunately, they forgot that couples using Kaiser Permanente and who can produce children will bring their offspring to Kaiser. The $100 million would be re-made almost instantly. Someone's not thinking. "All in favor of making money; please raise your hand now." <And in other news...> Someone tell me what La Nina is. Are you telling me that El Nino is married? Oh, excuse me, the translations are "the boy child" (El Nino) and "the girl child" (La Nina). Man, that's one wicked sister. "All in favor of finding out who were the parents of these children, and punishing the parents; please raise your hand now." That's it for this month. Coming next month: your worst fears -- another segment of Reflections...! By: Robert Chin    Robert@laya.com <>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>   F I V E  S U R G E O N S  D U R I N G  A          C O F F E E  B R E A K <>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<> Five surgeons are taking a coffee break: The first surgeon says, "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered. The second surgeon says, "Nah, librarians are the best. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order." The third responds: "Try electricians, man! Everything inside THEM is color-coded." The fourth intercedes: "I like engineers... they always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end." To this, the fifth surgeon, who has been quietly listening to the conversation, says, "You're all wrong. Lawyers are the easiest. There're no guts, no heart, no spine, and their head and a** are interchangeable." <>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>   B A R T S I M P S O N ' S C H A L K B O A R D             P U N I S H M E N T S <>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<> Things Bart Simpson has had to write on the chalkboard as punishment: I will not defame New Orleans I will not waste chalk I will not skateboard in the halls I will not burp in class I will not instigate a revolution I will not draw naked ladies in class I did not see Elvis I will not call my teacher 'Hot Cakes' Garlic gum is not funny They are laughing at me, not with me I will not yell "fire" in a crowded classroom I will not encourage others to fly I will not fake my way through life Tar is not a plaything I will not Xerox my butt I will not trade my pants with others I will not do that thing with my tongue I will not drive the principal's car I will not pledge allegiance to Bart I will not sell school property I will not cut corners " " " " " " " " " " " " " " " I will not get very far with this attitude I will not make flatulent noises in class I will not belch the National Anthem I will not sell land in Florida I will not grease the monkey bars I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment I will not do anything bad ever again I will not show off (Written in an Old English font) I will not sleep through my education I am not a dentist Spitwads are not free speech Nobody likes sunburn slappers High explosives and school don't mix I will not bribe Principal Skinner I will finish what I sta Hamsters cannot fly Underwear should be worn on the inside The Christmas pageant does not stink I will not torment the emotionally frail I will not carve gods I will not spank others I will not aim for the head I will not barf unless I am sick I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's [sic] lounge I will not conduct my own fire drills Funny noises are not funny I will not snap bras I will not fake seizures This punishment is not boring and meaningless My name is not Dr. Death I will not prescribe medication I will not bury the new kid I will not bring sheep to class A burp is not an answer Teacher is not a leper I will not eat things for money I will not yell "She's dead!" during roll call The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee I will not squeak chalk Goldfish do not bounce Mud is not one of the 4 food groups ====================================================================== ====================================================================== L A Y A ' s S T A F F . . . Robert Chin President robert@laya.com Daniel Cheng Layout & Design daniel@laya.com Chris Lin Perspective Editor chris@laya.com Serena Chang Editor/Lead Writer serena@laya.com ********************************************************************** If you have questions, comments, or suggestions, please e-mail "info@laya.com" ********************************************************************** SUBMIT AN ARTICLE! E-mail "submissions@laya.com" with your article. If this article was not written by you, we'd like to know who wrote it and what their e-mail address is. If it is your article, please include your name and your e-mail address. Your article may also be published anonymously (please tell us this in the e-mail). 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