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VOLUME III    ISSUE 1    JANUARY 1998
T A B L E  O F  C O N T E N T S . . .
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- A WORD FROM OUR STAFF
- MOZART VS. WHATEVER IT IS THAT TEENS LISTEN TO NOWADAYS:
 YOUR PARENTS ARE WRONG
- 50 FUN THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART

L A Y A ! looks best when viewed with 10 point Arial font.

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     A  W O R D  F R O M  O U R  S T A F F
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Hello (loyal) LAYA readers... Welcome to yet another (hopefully)
interesting issue. Please take a few minutes break from your finals
studying (or partying, for those of you who are done and over finals or
don't have them to begin with) to look over this month's (hilarious)
jokes and (awesome) article about music (not the classical stuff or
whatever...we mean MUSIC music).

The LAYA! Staff
info@laya.com

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 MOZART VS. WHATEVER IT IS THAT TEENS LISTEN TO NOWADAYS:
          YOUR PARENTS ARE WRONG
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Two days ago, in the midst of finals week, I was standing by the lockers
with a group of friends. During this twenty minute break
between exams, some of us just stood and talked about how we failed our
tests, some of us simply whined about the whole idea of taking a ton of
tests, and others of us preferred to cram for our upcoming tests.
Anyhow, it was no surprise when the guy standing next to me began to
mumble unintelligible combinations of words. I assumed that he was
reciting vocabulary in attempts to get a higher score on his foreign
language exam. So, I asked him, "German?"
"Huh?" was his reply.
"I mean, what are you saying? German test next period or something?"
"GERMAN?!" was the response. "It's just a rap song."
Now here's where my confusion steps in. Why even bother to listen to
music if you can't understand what's being said? Well, not that you'd
want to understand what's being said, since it seems that today's music
is laced with profanity and "objectionable material."
As some of you might know through experience, many parents don't seem to
like song lyrics that contain sexual references, violence, and
four-letter words. They denounce it as trash and try to persuade you
not to listen to it, thinking that you'll listen to a song about death
and then go out and commit suicide.
On the contrary, say experts including a Stanford University professor
named Donald Roberts. He states that music plays a larger
role than TV or movies in kids' lives and against common belief, music
doesn't damage kids. A recent study that he compiled for the book
(which Roberts co-authored along with Peter Christenson) "It's Not Only
Rock and Roll: Popular Music in the Lives of Adolescents" concluded:
-Pre-teens are attracted to "teeny-bopper" music, like the ever-popular
Hanson and Spice Girls. As they get older though, boys like music with
a "harder edge," and girls "lean towards soft, romantic ballads." And,
as they approach the college age, teens begin to experiment, listening
to jazz, folk, new-wave, alternative, and oldies music. Those who drop
out of high school tend to like heavy-metal and country.
-Musical tastes often depend on your ethnic background, parents, radio
stations, and friends. For example, troubled teens-those who "feel
alienated from school and home and who have experimented with drugs and
sex"-seem to like heavy metal music because it "sounds mean and loud and
the lyrics are rebellious and violent and depressing."
-Rap is most popular with "urban, African-American boys, there's a
curious phenomenon with rap's crossover popularity among some white
sub-urban boys."
-Lyrics are not always interpreted in the same way by everyone.
Sarcastic surprise: parents are more disturbed by "offensive" lyrics
than kids. Real surprise: after watching the music video of Madonna's
1980's hit "Papa Don't Preach" (which I have never heard or seen),
"white suburban youths thought it was about the troubling aftermath of
pregnancy; a group of black youths interpreted the video's message to be
about a father/daughter relationship."
-And most interestingly, those parental advisory label things actually
work. Well, for pre-teen listeners anyways. A study of eleven and
twelve year olds in Portland, Oregon, found that these kids "were still
at an age where they were uncomfortable with sexuality and preferred not
to buy CDs with such content. But, older teens-like fourteen and
fifteen year olds-are not affected in the same way since they're "far
more interested in sex."
And it took a bunch of researchers to figure that out?!

Source: "Talkin' About Their Generation" by Donna Kato. San Jose
Mercury, Tuesday, January 13, 1998

By: Serena Chang
   serena@laya.com

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  5 0 F U N T H I N G S T O D O A T W A L - M A R T
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  1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and
stranding them at strategic locations.

  2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

  3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals
throughout the day.

  4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join
in.

  5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray
air fresheners.

  6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

  7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

  8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

  9. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially
thin narrow aisles.

  10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I
think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.

  11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off
and turn the volumes to "10".

  12. Play with the automatic doors.

  13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you
in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.

  14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud
enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this [crud], anyway?"

  15. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.

  16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it
for a "test drive."

  17. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet
away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.

  18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as
your playing field.

  19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look
mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"

  20. Put M&M's on layaway.

  21. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.

  22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only
invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.

  23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the
other aisles.

  24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

  25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying,
"...I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"

  26. TP as much of the store as possible.

  27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.

  28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside
down.

  29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why
won't you people just leave me alone?"

  30. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between
them, yelling, "Red Rover!"

  31. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there
are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"

  32. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale
battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.

  33. Take bets on the battle described above.

  34. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.

  35.While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the
clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as
possible.

  36. Hold indoor shopping cart races.

  37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission:
Impossible."

  38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.

  39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.

  40. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your
Twinkies?"

  41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.

  42. Two words: "Marco Polo."

  43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food
aisle, etc.

  44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.

  45. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with
various funnels.

  46. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something,
quickly make off with it without saying a word.

  47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.

  48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the
fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"

  49. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.

  50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax.
If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't
get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

  *BONUS* Attempt all of the above during the same visit.

======================================================================
======================================================================

L A Y A ' s S T A F F . . .

Robert Chin
President
robert@laya.com

Daniel Cheng
Layout & Design
daniel@laya.com

Chris Lin
Editor of Weekly Content
chris@laya.com

Serena Chang
Editor/Lead Writer
serena@laya.com

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